First of all, I express my thanks here for your charitable thought in bringing me a copy of the Entreaty and for being good enough to accept my slip of paper so benevolently.31 It is not, however, “my” entreaty. The only thing that is mine is the labor of writing it down. The thought is not mine. I am not so elevated as to be able to pull out of my heart such superhuman thoughts of forgiveness.
I told you yesterday that, while writing them and feeling them to be correct, I had to make a real moral effort to accept them. As you must have observed, on reading the notes concerning my life, I really do not possess the character of Job at all. As Maria Valtorta, I am very human in all that humanity brings with it - in terms of oversensitiveness, pride, passions, and so on and so forth - and, in order to enable Maria of the Cross to live, I must burn myself up at every instant so as to be reborn from my human ashes, a mystical phoenix, in a new form, and certainly more acceptable to the good Lord.
When the “voice” says to me,32 “You are nothing; by yourself you would never be capable of accomplishing anything,” I am thoroughly convinced of the fact. I have no illusions about my carnality and my embryonic spiritual nature. I know that the former is as mad as a colt in the springtime and the latter is so embryonic that it is barely a faint sketch. I thus comfort my weakness and curb my matter with the Cross of Christ. Only when clinging to Him, Crucified, can I keep my soul standing straight and only by hammering down my flesh with nails that are firmly riveted and extremely mortifying can I keep it in its place, subdued, powerless to accomplish its whims.
Let us therefore not say “my entreaty” It belongs to Another. I should not appropriate what is not mine. I would grow proud over it, lying to myself, to the world, and to God. If those words have been useful - and they could not fail to be, for they came from realms of light, and what light! - let us give thanks to the Lord for it, and that’s all.
There are two things that most of all keep me attentive, with my ears open and my eyes vigilant to watch for the slightest movement of the Enemy of souls, who slinks, creeps in, and whistles his seduc-tive song so slyly to hypnotize us and place us at his mercy. On the one hand, there are the tendencies of the flesh, so arrogant in spite of all the hair shirts; on the other, the - swellings of pride, which always tries to puff up... I instinctively feel that the former and the latter die three days after we do and that only the goodness of God and great, very great will on our part - a tireless, prompt, watchful will - can render them innocuous and sterilize them in the face of each new wave of their corrupting germs. And I also feel that if I let myself be clutched by the coils of sense or by those of haughtiness, the present state of grace would suddenly cease, before, long before what is wanted by my Jesus, who does not stop holding me in his arms and whispering to me words of life.
Consider whether I would like to lose this blessedness through my own fault! It is that which keeps me from feeling the sting of human events assailing me, and the twofold sting of the memories crowding in. Everything skims over me; everything rushes over me like water, like a wave, like a breaker, but as long as the present blessedness lasts, I am like a block of crystal over which everything passes without leaving a trace, unable to penetrate.
The time will come when Jesus remains silent and lets me go. Never mind! What about it? Should I complain? No. I will certainly suffer, but I will accept the new trial, continuing to love Him, even if He leaves me alone. If He does, He will well know the reason why. And I shall certainly have more merit, in loving Him then, than I do now.
It’s not so hard to be loving now, when He is so perceptibly loving! Unless he possesses the heart of Judas, anyone who sees himself loved loves. But the highest love is the one that is able to go on loving when it seems we are no longer loved. When this is done with men, we gain no advantage - or quite rarely. But when one acts like this with the good Lord, then one can be certain that afterwards an even more intense period of love will come, for God always rewards after having tested us, if we have managed to be faithful.
Jesus says:
“I will go on speaking to you about grace,33 which gives the life of the spirit.
“When God created the first man, in addition to the life of matter, until then inanimate, He infused into him the life of the spirit as well. He could not otherwise have said that He had made you in his image and likeness.
“None of you can image how perfect the first creature was. Only We, in the eternal present which is our eternity, can see the perfection of the regal work of our creative Intelligence. The seed of Adam, if Adam had been able to remain a king as We had made him, with power over all things and depending on God alone - the dependence of a most beloved son - would have been a seed of perpetual perfection. But there was a defeated one who was watching to take revenge.
“You, Maria, who say that from your heart thoughts of forgiveness could not emerge spontaneously because your human nature leads you to the spirit of vengeance and only out of regard for Me are you able to forgive - have you ever considered that it was the spirit of revenge that ruined you, the children of Adam, and sent Me, the Son of God, to the cross?
“Lucifer - and He was the most beautiful of my beautiful creatures - from the abyss into which he had fallen, eternally ugly after the blasphemous revolt against his Creator, was thirsty for revenge. To the first sin of conceit he thus added an endless series of crimes, avenging himself for ages and ages. And the first act of vengeance was upon my creatures, Adam and Eve. On the perfection of my creation his poisoned tooth left the mark of its bestiality, communicating to you his very own lust for lasciviousness, vengeance, and haughtiness. And since then your spirit has been dueling in you against the poisons of the hellish bite.
“On some very rare occasions the spirit wins out over flesh and blood and gives earth and Heaven a new saint. Sometimes the spirit lives with difficulty, with slumps of lethargy in which it is as if dead and you live and act as creatures devoid of light, of my Light. At other times it is literally killed by the creature, who voluntarily forfeits the throne of a child of God and becomes worse than a beast - turning into a demon, the child of a demon.
“In truth I tell you that over two thirds of the human race belong to this category, which lives under the sign of the Beast. For this category I died in vain.
“The law of those marked by the Beast is antithetical to my Law. In the former, the flesh dominates and generates works of flesh. In the latter, the spirit dominates and generates works of spirit. When the spirit dominates, the kingdom of God is there. When the flesh dominates, the kingdom of Satan is there.
“The infinite Mercy animating the Triad has given your spirit all the aid to remain the ruler. It has given the sacrament removing the sign of the Beast on your flesh as children of Adam and impressing my Sign. It has given my Word of Life; it has given Me, Master and Redeemer; it has given my Blood in the Eucharist and on the Cross; it has given the Paraclete: the Spirit of truth.
“Whoever is able to remain in the Spirit generates works of the spirit. From the creature possessed by the Spirit there flow charity, gentleness, purity, science, and every good work joined to great humility. From the others there emerge, like hissing snakes, vices, deceits, acts of lust, and crimes, for their heart is a nest of hellish snakes.
“But where are those who are able to tend towards the life of the spirit and make themselves worthy to welcome in themselves the vital inpouring of the Consoler, who comes with all his gifts, but wants a prompt spirit, desirous of Him, for this throne? No, the world does not want this Spirit, who makes you good. The world wants power at any price, wealth at any price, the satisfaction of sense at any price, all the joys of the earth at any price, and rejects and curses the Holy Spirit and impugns his Truth and overdresses in prophetic robes, speaking words not emerging from within the Most Holy Trinity, but from the cave of Satan.
“And this is not and shall not be forgiven. Ever. And you see that it is not forgiven. God withdraws into the height of his Heavens because man rejects his love and lives for and in the flesh. These are the causes of your ruin and of our silence. From the depths there emerge the tentacles of Satan; on earth man proclaims himself to be a god and curses the true God; on high Heaven closes. And this is indeed mercy, for in closing it holds back the thunderbolts you deserve.
“A new Pentecost would encounter hearts harder and fouler than a boulder that had sunk into a pool of mud. Remain, therefore, in the mud you have wanted, waiting for a command, which admits no rebellion, to pull you out of it and separate the children of the spirit from the children of the flesh.”
And now, good Jesus, let me speak. You have said so many things today that I can’t even copy them all.34 And in the first hours I was so tired and suffering that I labored to follow your sweet voice. Afterwards it went better. But now pain is gripping me. It is an hour of Gethsemane.
Who am I suffering for? What soul is it that needs this agony of mine to be healed, to hope, to go back to You? I will never know on earth, but I am convinced that it exists and that I must drink this bitterness of mine for an expiatory purpose. I do so willingly even if tears run down my cheeks. But let me weep on your Heart, for it is sweet to love thereupon and to suffer.
All forms of sadness come in waves. You know them all, without my listing them for You, and both You and I also know what is concealed behind this black screen seeking to enfold me. I close my eyes in order not to see it. I act like children afraid of the dark. And tonight I am just like a poor girl alone in an unlit place. Every corner is a hiding place for shadows taking on frightening shapes. If I close my eyes very tight, after staring at You fixedly as one looks at the sun, nothing is left on the background of my retina but your Image; if I cling to You every so tightly, I am no longer aware of the solitude around me, from which so many dangers may arise for me. I feel your arms around me, and even if I cry, I am no longer afraid.
Take my tears tonight. I have only this to give You on this night of affliction. I don’t even say to You, “Take this affliction away from me”; I say only, “Thy will be done, but help me, Jesus.”
Yes, help me, good Master. Don’t let me go. All the pain You want, Lord, but always be close by. I know, I believe that this moral torment is not without a good purpose; I know, I hope that it is not useless; I know that if I suffer in peace, on your Heart peace will remain in me, and the devil’s acrimony will be unable to disturb it. I thus say to You, “Here I am, for the sake of your love, to do your Will...”
No later than this morning I said my present blessedness keeps me from feeling the sting of human events. Tonight, however, I have felt the bite of the needs of the hour. And I have suffered so much for this reason. If I had suffered alone, it would have been a spasmodic suffering. But, well knowing that no human creature could console me, I turned to You in faith. You want these acts of loving faith to compensate You for all the acts of lovelessness which negate. And you immediately reward the generous soul by giving it consolation.
Now I have learned. And I at once come to take refuge in You; I am not satisfied with praying to You; I press my daring further and come into your arms. You are my God, but You are also my Brother and Spouse; therefore, in addition to praying to You, I can also embrace You so as not to feel so alone in the face of a future which is sad for all, but for me laden with even more painful uncertainties.
Hold me this way throughout this very sad month; hold me this way until death. Even if You do not speak, it is enough for You to let me remain upon your Heart. Remember your agony, Lord, and be the comforting Angel for your tiny host...
31 She is addressing Father Migliorini. The “Entreat” is dated June 5.
32 In the dictation of May 28.
33 Mentioned in the dictation of June 6.
34 This statement, along with other similar ones we shall encounter, seems to contrast with what has always been asserted - the assumption that Maria Valtorta wrote directly in the notebooks, straight off, without rereading or correcting.
Marta Diciotti when questioned by us, specified that Maria received an initial group of notebooks from Father Migliorini in order to write the memoirs of her life. Once the Autobiography was finished, Maria wanted to return, along with the seven notebooks used in that manner, those that had not been used as well. But the priest wanted her to keep them. In them, shortly thereafter, Maria began to write the dictations, and Father Migliorini had to start supplying her with other notebooks, which she used, sometimes writing even on the fly-leaves, or on scraps of paper that she later added among the notebook pages. Since she always had to remain in bed, she would write by holding a board over her knees, which she had herself carefully lined with cloth, adding an internal pocket where she kept the notebook during pauses.
Marta Diciotti, like other witnesses, is unable to recall whether Maria Valtorta also wrote on just anything she happened to have and later copied into the notebook (see June 21 for example). But she assumes Maria may sometimes have used that method, perhaps at the outset, when she might have been caught by surprise by the “voice” ordering her to write, or when she did not foresee the scope of her mission as a writer.
We add that one sometimes gets the impression that the writer, when using the term “copy,” meant “to write after having listened,” almost as if she were recalling a previously received dictation (for instance, see the annotation alongside the date June 8; the beginning of the dictation dated June 11; and June 15). Interesting explanations of the way the dictations were received are supplied by Maria Valtorta herself in the texts dated November 3 and November 4.