I am resuming today, November 2, since yesterday, between the people who came and - the not very pleasant English visit, 223 I was not able to write any more.
As for the impressions endured during that painful quarter of an hour, I will tell you224 that they are diverse and varied.
The first is that just by praying I felt calm enough. It seemed impossible to me that as I invoked Him over myself, and over all those gathered at my bedside, and, with greater charity, over all the others fleeing along the streets or trembling in their homes, He, whose Name is powerful, would not listen to me. I got the feeling - and I noted it three or four times during prayer - that He was embracing me and making me understand that I was calm because I was protected by Him.
In my state, which is so serious, it would be a lie to say that my heart did not suffer. If a loud noise, a cry, a collision between two cars, seeing a person fall, a dispute, a piece of news, and other such things make an impression on me, what my physical heart must have suffered as a result of that devastation is readily understandable. But you have been able to observe that, with my heart aided by a forceful injection, it wits not off center in terms of morale.
The second thing was that, after that anti-Catholic profession, since the morning I had been under the impression - rather, I had been convinced - that if the enemies had come that day, things would have turned ugly. And so it was...!
Thirdly, when it was over, there came relief at the thought that the nightmare of an aerial bombardment, which had been tormenting me for twenty days, had passed. I mentioned to you that dream to which I wanted to apply the incident of the death of those five people in Mazzini Square about fifteen days ago.225 But I wanted to nurture the illusion that everything had occurred with that projectile which had fallen short.
Has everything now happened? May God so will, for I confess to you that the idea of dying after being buried alive or in agony in a hospital doesn’t appeal to me. I accept my five illnesses and agree to accept another five, another ten, with all the torments, but I ask only to be left in my house, where Jesus has done so many things for me and which is sacred to me for his sake, for it was given to me by Him and my relatives died in it.
The fourth and final impression involves gratitude towards you. I was certain you would come, but seeing you come has moved and calmed me. We are never sufficiently absolved and blessed in certain moments!
In those days when you were absent, I remained with my heart in suspense, fearing some personal misfortune of mine or some general misfortune. I well know, from experience, that it is very hard to find doctors and priests at the times when they are most needed and desired. And I was thus sorry that you were distant, for there is no one but you that thinks of me.
223 The first aerial bombing of Viareggio, which occurred on the evening of November 1, 1943.
224 She is addressing Father Migliorini.
225 In the course of a military exercise taking place in the Apuane Alps, a projectile which should have fallen into the sea had instead landed in Mazzini Square, killing five people.